We seek God not because we want glory

We seek God not because we want Him to help us achieve our goals

We seek God not because we want to increase in our bible knowledge

We seek God not because we need help

We seek God not because we are desperate

but because of Who He is.

We seek God because He is magnificent, because He is love, because He is our maker, our stronghold, our refuge and because He is our God. He is our Great God.

Gotta constantly remind myself that I can’t only turn to God when I want something, but I have to learn to seek God because of whatever He’s done for me. 

Psalm 55: 23 (…) But as for me, I trust in you.

Lord, guide me to trust in you and not myself. And to continually seek you for who you are. Amen, 

Some shout-outs/dedication to the very amazing people:

Cell/ Sunday School Class/ People in Charis

Calling us a cell is still pretty foreign to me :b Something i’ve gotta get used to. I really appreciate each of your efforts to get us closer to each other, its something I saw from the impromptu outing planned yesterday. Everyone was gamed to go out for fellowship with one another :’) I really hope this spirit lives on in us throughout the year, and as the year comes along, I hope that all of us will grow in God’s mighty power and stature. seeing all the encouragement to walk in christ etc online is really touching Remember numbers 6:24-26 always Thank you for providing me with some of the most valuable friendships that I know I will treasure for a lifetime.

I’m really thankful that I have a chance to grow up in Charis Methodist, whereby I’m provided with a comfortable environment to know God better, and given  opportunities to serve God. To all the fun times we spent together- cheers

dduring caroling rehearsal :b

sunday school camp 11

COSunday Children’s Day

church camp 2011

enze drawing the sheep I drew for him :>

church camp group :>

christmas service 11

parents’ cell retreat

fun nights in the hotel together :>

Really am thankful to have a significant amount of time spent with people worshipping in the same house of God this holidays:) God bless you all <3

2. OSL

Truly thankful for an experience which enriched my life by 100folds. And more. I really mean it. I didn’t only learn from the OSL experience in philippines teens challenge, I learnt a lot from each and every of the team member’s dedication, hardwork, sincerity to serve, and from what you have done for the team especially all the fundraisers organized etc 1 big regret for 2011 was taking my role in OSL for granted, many a times putting it 2nd priority to PB. I really wished I could have played a bigger role, but nonetheless, I am glad. :’) Thank you <3 It’s 10 days spent in the philippines that I will never ever forget.

during parents’ meet

newspaper collection drive at toa payoh

one of our fundraisers! selling flowers during Talent Vogue

lunch during one of our workdays

buddies during the trip, clarinda and jingyi. Thank you for being amazing people to room with, to spend time with. Thank you for keeping a lookout for each of us all the time <3 really glad to know you guys much much better :’)

with some of the staff working in philippines teen challenge whom have inspired me a lot, and got me to do a lot of thinking– what am i doing with this life of mine? What can i do with it? Thank you <3

group 3: thank you so so much for making the whole experience very enjoyable. ! i’m really glad we didn’t have any major fights with one another/with the whole team. I’m glad we were serious when it came to reflection/discussion, yet fun when it came to play. I’m glad for each of the unique personalities and characters pieced together to form a great group Thank you for being self-sacrificial, fun, crazy, easy to live with

dearest logs committee

OSL 2011: legacy of love<3

3. RGSPB

<3 <3 <3 the board full of amazing leaders <3 <3 <3

GEMS <3

ExCo 2012

keep the faith in all our love and trust, remember the ties that bind all of us ~

we’ll miss you Ms Ong! Thank you for really being dedicated to the board and having each of us in your interest, really moulding and shaping us as a person

fiammetta during masquerade, PIT Camp 2011 You guys are the most awesome batchies anyone could ask for

fiam during RHD x)

buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!love you chin, all the best in JC

us singing board songs during Formal Farewell. Thank you foveo for showing us the way, mentoring us closely, giving us useful advise, setting the standards for us – you guys are the greatest seniors ever

LAODA AND LAOERRR! during prefects symposium 2011 <3 sigh can’t believe i’ll be the laoda next year ~

PSOT– the day we received our shirts. remember how we wore them IMMEDIATELY out to lunch. will never forget any of our workdays- from planning to execution, really <3

4. FoodFamily

F A M I L Y <3

You guys are really like family to me I know we had quite a lot of tension and friction as we worked together during nationals, with fee and kimmie so involved in FPS too, and me not really committing to CmPS with PB stuff ongoing then Thank you to you guys for really showing me the power of a team We achieved like 100 more than we initially thought we would la- and for that alone and for even wanting to do nationals itself is already something to be proud of All of y’all genuine intention to spread the message/ advocate our cause really kept me going at times

thank you kimtan for being our ever dedicated leader, not once getting angry at us when we failed to achieve what we were supposed to. what i rly wanna thank you for is teaching me how to overcome my fear of speaking to the public during our street outreach. thank you for showing me how to do it, and not just telling me <3

street outreach:)

5. IESO mates

us in valle d’aosta, on our international team field investigation <3 <3

during an emergency demonstration somewhere with lotsa tall grass

our very first day in modena :>

love you guys forever. thanks for being so smart and teaching me whenever i didn’t understand. (which is all the time) <3 <3 <3 10 amazing days, treasured for a life time

singapore team + martha

6. My campaign team

hey winnie you were the best campaign manager anyone could ever ask for, like really. ANYONE. thanks for all the encouragement, HTH talks we had talking about stuff and rly, everything

love you guys to the starzzzz. thanks for being my pillars of support and strength then and for painfully looking through all my documents, brainstorming with me, going through stuff with me, being willing to even campaign for me– thank you so so much. <3<3<3 can’t really express my gratitude and love for y’all through words but i really really am so so grateful.

last but not least, familyyy!

hehe so awkward writing but i love you dad mom and 2 sissies

wishing everyone a great year ahead! Continue to walk with God daily, and may God bless you richly

love,

joanna!

201

A year I’d really never forget. I learnt and grew so much, I experienced things I’d never do before, I went through some really tough moments, I gave and love, I was cold and mean, I lost myself in His greatness, I lost myself in my worldly selfish desires. It was a year of black and white, ups and downs, emptiness and fullness.

I guess what I will really remember from 2011 is i) HR work/ Term 2 in specific ii) HP Campaigning iii) IESO iv) Philippines Teen Challenge v) The relationships I built

Throughout 2011, I constantly tried to change myself, to mould myself into someone who I wanted to be. Up to this point- I prolly still am.  And I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a point whereby I can be comfortable and satisfied with myself. I really don’t know which is better– to be carefree and be yourself no matter what, or to show different sides of yourself under different circumstances, depending on what the situation calls for.  Identity issues really bothered me last year, but I brushed it away time and again. This year I’m going to embrace it no matter what, and hopefully find an answer to my question.

All the experiences I went through in 2011– looking back, i’m glad i persevered and trusted in the Lord to bring me through. I’d never forget the day when Ms Foo mentioned the IESO selection test– you have no idea who against it I was. I remember I swore that I’d never participate in the selections, and perhaps give school a miss on that day. But the night before the test God spoke to me and the whole series of events thereafter just fell into place. Getting the acknowledgement form to go to Italy, settling all the particulars, pre-trip administrative work, briefing, studying etc. To be followed by 10 amazing days in an amazing country with amazing people I’d never forget, some of which I still keep in contact with. Everything was in God’ s plan. I remember how when we touched down in Singapore and had to face the tough reality of exams coming up in less than 2 weeks- with me still having to juggle COSunday and make time to prepare for my piano exam in addition to the whole chunk of schoolwork dumped to us, and us fighting through our jetlags. I thought I was going to die. I prepared myself to fail like 5 papers, and even threw away all goals I previously set. Dream GPA, dream number of 4.0, position in class etc etc, just vanished from my line of vision. Then, I was so fixated on myself, on the current second and I was so uptight. I never gave myself a day to rest to overcome my jetlag, which would definitely be more beneficial to me in the weeks to come. I was just so pressed on doing this this this by when when when. I was just so into it I never stopped to take my head out of reality to give myself a larger perspective and picture of my life then. I’m glad I’ve since learnt.

The period immediately after EYAs– PB work kicked in in full swing, and so did other OSL stuff. It was really hard for me to balance both. I remember that it was a full OSL work day, packing logistics, doing final team preparations– and I missed out the entire day (which is especially bad for me since I am in logs) because of PIT camp. I’m glad Ms Ong and Ms Sya managed to knock some sense in me, which is helpful in deciding what I should do with my 24/day this year.

Anyhow, God has be gracious and merciful to me. Despite my lack of faith in myself, and lack of faith in God, the academic year drew to an eventful close even as I received my progress report on the last day. Thankful.

Reflecting, I realised I really spread myself too thin. For what – its debatable. Was it for my own portfolio? Was it to give myself a sense of accomplishment? When I was doing all those stuff, was I really doing it for God as I earlier pledged to? Obviously not. I was so caught up in life that I missed the greatest moments of life itself. As a result of all my commitments (if you want to know all of them– they are HR work, in particularly balancing T3SL and BA simultaneously, with exams ever 2 weeks, CmPS, OSL, HP campaigning, Geog RA, Being part of PSOT) i failed to treasure the most precious things around me – God no longer was my priority, i didn’t spend much time with my family or friends, and really strayed from all those people I cherish the most. I really apologize if i was unfriendly to talk to/ to caught up with all my stuff that I didn’t make time for my friends, i’m truly sorry. Once again, I’m glad i have since learnt and am glad to God for sending me a new years resolution to work on this aspect— sincerity.

in 2012, i’m no longer going to involve myself in so many things. True- it is fulfilling, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, i somewhat inspire others, but– so what? What’s the point of being so overly involved in all these when I can’t even get my priorities straight? With the much fewer commitments I have next year, I’m really going to go deeper into each of them, rather than being involved in everything on surface level.

in 2012, i am going to continue on the journey of who I am, continually seek the answer of who God wants me to be, and what I want myself to be.

in 2012, i’m going to love more, love God, love his people, love my family, love myself.

in 2012…………………………………… i have this big list of stuff i’m going to do. Just that they are really quite self-centered and I’m still going to pray for God’s guidance to lead me to achieve His will in me.

Dedications in a separate post

annoying kpop tune ringing in my head and bringing back all the IESO memories, only because the Korean delegates danced to it during farewell.

somehow I feel empty-sense of dread or foreboding or whatever-it just doesn’t feel healthy.

tomorrow we are going to get bio and chemistry papers back, and oh boy i wish i didn’t have to be there. the second part (and the worse part) of taking exams if that you have to face the reality of how you are going to do, sooner or later. I’ve faced more failures within this span of time (really) to know that its going to take very little to hurt this time round, but nevertheless I’m going in with God, with a strong mind and hopefully a strong heart.

I wouldn’t say i don’t really care, i wouldn’t say i don’t really mind if I failed and stuff- i know i would-anyone will i guess. all part of human nature,its just how well you embrace it and take it from there. this time round is different- i had a lot of voices in my head that i had to discern, and if it doesn’t go according to how i heard it to be then I’m really scared-was I deluding myself from the voice of the Holy spirit?all the signs that was dropped and stuff. was I too obsessed with worldly possessions and achievements to really hear God? I’m not sure-I’m not sure at all. I’m scared that i wronged myself, I’m scared that this will shake my faith, i’m scared. i’m scared.

i don’t know-but i can feel some things in some ways that is just different from other things. but this time round it was really quite overwhelming and bleaching that if it reaches either end of the spectrum its just going to get extreme emotions either relief glee or painful aching.

the latter not being in the results itself but more of myself and my battle to hear the voice of God.

that’s why i’m scared.

this week was a pretty relaxing week, enjoyable nonetheless. after tuition just now I stopped by to pick-up some card making materials as well as to pay  my overdue library fines and grab a couple of intriguing-at least for that moment- books and as much as I want to drown myself in the words and the pleasure of the plot I really don’t think this is a good escape plan from what I have to face or what I have to overcome. i think i really need faith-and yes I got a lot of affirmations in some ways, but  I think i just refuse to brood on the subject that i just brush it aside at the slightest tinge of it, mentally.

i just got back from dinner with the family <3 and i am positive that this 10 minutes of interaction, life in its basic forms changed my outlook  a little.

if there’s any one thing i will know about tomorrow will be that i can always take strength from my parents, and God too.

I can pretty well sum up my entire week as well, crazy. Crazy because I did things i never did before, crazy because i went into the exam hall studying the least by far, and also the good side of crazy, because I went through it with God (: This week, was a walk with God, and I don’t really think I’ll ever forget it (:

I can almost predict how my results are going to be like- I really don’t expect much but then again there’s this little voice in my head telling me to have faith in what I did, in what God is helping me do, in what God will help me do. I guess its not up to me anymore, papers have been turned in, and the least I should be do is worrying.

Gotta gear back up for geog paper. Everyone’s studying for it :O Guess i’ll go catch up a lil with my geog readings and notes and I guess I’m done (: Post-EYAs are going to be crazy, too. Things that have been abandoned will be hauled back up with extra effort, and I have to make that conscious effort to do so. I guess I have lazily chucked them aside with the magical words “after EYAs’ as a self-comfort but no more ~~~~~

There’s really quite a lot I want and need to do after my papers (: Caught 6h of show last night oops. :b

Okay I really have no idea what I’m talking about, whenever I have this load of things to say and stuff they just become air whenever I want to document it down properly.

Today was a beautiful day. The sun is slowly fading, the wind is gentle, and best of all I’m awake. (would usually have crashed by nao)

Christian youth group was cool-I guessed for me it was more of a reflection session. What I did not do, what I should be doing and why.

Chose to walk home in the rain instead of taking a bus. It was a long, wet walk but pleasant all the same. The little girl splashing into puddles, seeing a little boy with yellow gumboots, a grandmother walking much faster than me- it’s just life in it’s most simplistic forms that let u appreciate basic human nature

Going to fight through evolution and ecology tonight, I can do it

Today in tuition this girl was telling another to press on and she shared her own personal testimony about how pressing on when she really felt like giving up made her come this far-and this near to (potentially) attaining 6A1s for Os.

next week we are going to hit full gear-it’s scary yet thrilling all the same.

Because we have believed and received God’s word, we now have the privileges that are entitled to being His Children (:

God is always with us, he will always listen to us, he will protect us (:

I need to believe this with a childlike-faith.

Class cell today was awesome. It was different, there were lotsa (quite) tears, intense emotions about personal issues and heartfelt sharing. I loved it. I love you guys, one day after EYAs we are going to go all out to spread God’s word (: Living your name on high, Jesus (: I think its really good to have a hunger for God in the midst of _____ and everything. God will lead to you where he knows best, and if he sends you on stony paths, He will provide strong shoes. (:

Faith has been a bit unsteady these few days but I think class cell was refreshingly good (:

Talking to IESO peeps on fb just make me miss them so so so much! Grawr. I don’t ever think I’ll forget an experience as amazing as that (:

Sigh mugging failure much. Came home and crashed for 2h. i am a gross pig. I can’t do all my math questions that I could previously do. -sad face-

Ohwell, thank God for his grace in bringing me through my piano exam and cosunday. Thank you Lord.

9 days to EYAs. Technically 8.

2 days to my piano exam.

4 days to Cosunday.

I officially started studying for EYAs today, and I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. :/ suddenly hits me how much catching up I’ve gotta do these 8 days.

Oh well, don’t count the days-make them count God is with me, He is able (:

All the best to everyone, dont overtax yourself k guys?

XX

(L),J

Gotta constantly remind myself:

Life is my own personal race. It does not matter what she gets, what she does. I should embrace what other people do but not succumb to social/societal and peer pressure. This is my life– as long as I’m satisfied, its good.

/But its so hard not to compare with others.

Gotta make the effort to see God more in my life too. :/